A New Life
by everafterlove
Summary: After the marriage of Dr. Julia Hoffman to Barnabas Collins, Barnabas decides that he wants to change his life in an even more meaningful way( if that is indeed possible).


A New Life-( disclaimer: I do not own Dark Shadows.)

It was two months after the wedding of Barnabas Collins and Dr. Julia Hoffman-early Spring, cool, but bright. The trees and shrubs on the vast Collinwood estate were budding and wild flowers were peeping through the ground. New life was sprouting, everywhere.

A new way of life was also starting at the old manor. It was Saturday, early Spring, and the couple seated in their chairs by the low burning fire had no work day to rush off to. They sat content, their chairs pulled close together, reading quietly( Julia in her medical journal, Barnabas in a gentleman's magazine that he had picked up on the way home from Collins' Enterprises, on Friday afternoon).

He looked up from his reading and gazed at his wife, fondly, reflecting( as he had many times) on her simple, yet exotic beauty, letting his eyes roam over her, her soft short auburn waves, her high light coral tinted cheekbones, her hazel eyes that sometimes held emerald light, or grew dark with any change in her emotions. His own eyes grew dark as they traveled over her slim womanly frame and her shapely legs.

He felt so very blessed to have her love-to have her as his wife. He would gladly give her anything her heart desired. His heart turned over as she raised her head to gaze at him with adoration, sensing his scrutinizing, with a sweet smile and twinkling eyes. He returned the look and requested, " Let's take a walk, my dear."

" That sounds lovely," she responded. " We could both use the fresh air."

" Indeed," he replied, holding out a hand to her, rising and pulling her gently to her feet with a tender smile.

Once outside, he linked an arm through hers, keeping her close to his side. They talked of simple things, for a while, as they strolled the paths of the estate; David's latest teenage prank, Roger's ideas for improvement at the cannery, the deliciousness of Elizabeth's desserts( at the dinner at Collinwood), on Thursday evening. Soon, Julia sensed a seriousness come over Barnabas's countenance. " Is something wrong, darling?," she asked gently.

He smiled fondly at her. " You know me so well. No, nothing is really wrong. It's just…" His voice trailed off and he looked away with hesitation. His hesitation concerned her.

" Tell me," she urged.

Gazing at her in earnest, he asked, " Julia, what would you say if I told you I have decided that I want to attend church, this coming Sunday?"

Widening her eyes in surprise, she asked, " You…you want to attend church?!"

" Yes, would you go with me?," his voice and eyes pleaded.

" Of course, I would, if that's what you want to do." Her look of confusion prompted him to stop and grasp hold of her upper arms gently, but firmly.

" Does it seem so strange to you that I would want to go?," he asked, his eyes searching hers.

" No, not strange…", her own voice faltered. " It's just that…I never thought…never imagined you might want to. What brought this on?," she asked. They began to walk, again.

" I've been thinking about this for some time, now," Barnabas explained. " For a long time, I didn't believe myself worthy to even enter a church door, but I find that I've a yearning to learn again, to return to what I was taught as a child on my mother's knee, to once again renew the simple faith I had then, and to thank God for restoring me to human life, again-for sending you to me. You gave me the hope that I needed to survive the nightmare of my endless existence-the challenge to change my evil ways."

He stopped and pulled her tightly into his arms, pressing his face against hers, his voice breaking off as he continued, " You are and will always be my 'angel of mercy'. I know that you are His earthly gift to me, although I did not…do not deserve you. Through you, He restored my sanity, my mind, and my body when I thought I would surely go crazy!"

Pulling away slightly, he looked deeply into her now misting eyes, as she reached up and tenderly stoked his cheek. He sighed and went on, " I have been reading in my mother's Bible. It was among her things in the attic. I believe the sacrifice God made for me, to atone for my many sins."

" Oh Barnabas," was all a choked up Julia could say, as she returned his embrace.

" I foolishly blamed God for my affliction, believing Him to be a vengeful, cold, and unforgiving God. My Aunt Abigail would often say, in her haughty and stern way, ' You must never fail. You must always do good, or God will punish you for your evil ways!' I believed he had and would never forgive me. I believed my curse was my permanent punishment. Yes, I hated Angelique and still abhor her for destroying my life and taking everyone I loved from me, but I hated myself just as much. I was wrong. God DOES love me. All He wanted was for me to admit my sins, believe in Him, repent, and trust in Him to take care of the rest.

He sent you to me to give me hope. Instead, I self-centeredly refused, wallowing in self-pity. I blindly refused to see, Julia, that I could trust in you-that you were all that I needed-that you were the true love I so desperately wanted to find, for so long! I simply refused to give up on the dream of regaining all that I had lost.

I'm so sorry that I didn't understand-that I made you wait so long for me. Only because of you, did I finally wake up to what has always been in front of me-waiting patiently all along! Oh Julia, I was in such despair! I was so lost! I love you so! I bless the day you found me!" He held her so tightly that she could barely breathe.

Tears were now running down her cheeks. She responded in a broken voice, " I love you, too! Do you think you're the only one who has been blessed? I too was so unbearably lonely, despite my interest in my work. I needed you, too! I have never loved anyone the way I love you, Barnabas Collins!" She brushed her lips against his, causing a low moan to escape from them, capturing hers in a deep and passionate kiss, lasting for a very long time, indeed.

That Sunday and nearly every Sunday thereafter, a new couple occupied one of the middle pews of the local Evangelical Lutheran Church, renewing Julia's German Lutheran roots. Over the next few months, Barnabas Collins was instructed and confirmed into the Lutheran faith and he and Julia were accepted as members.

In genuine thanksgiving, their bond of faith in their Lord and in their deep and abiding love for each other continued to increase in strength, sustaining them in the good and the bad to come in the world around them-a new life, indeed!


End file.
